Sometimes you don't know

I am sitting at my desk at 6:45 AM.  I have begun coming to work very early so I can get home for dinner.  The girls seem to prefer that I get home to eat with them.  Frankly, I like it better anyway.  I am more productive early in the morning, today not withstanding.  I love spending time with the kids, and this way I get to spend more time with them.

Lily is now 5 1/2 (or close to it).  I can't believe how big she is getting.  She is asking so many questions about everything.  She (and her sister, Lucy) have begun the death questions.  When is Charlie going to die (our very old dog), how did Veronica die (my sister), why did she die, when are you going to die, when is lucy going to die, why do people die, is the table dead?

These questions are normal, I know, but they are harder to answer, particularly when it is about me or their mom.  We always tell them, don't worry about that.  People die when their bodies just don't work any more and usually that happens when they get old. Of course, the follow up question is Brown Papa (my dad, their grandpa) is old.  MaMa is old.  Nanny is old.  Papa Erwin is old.  True enough, but their bodies are working right now.

It has made me reflect, though, on the fact that my parents (and in-laws) are getting old.  I have not had to deal with the loss of a parent, but with parents who are 69 and soon to be 71, it is clear that things are going to wind down.  Not to be morbid, but how do you deal with older parents.  Knowing my parents, they will never voluntarily realize they are not well enough to live on their own (not even close to that now), but they are very stubborn people (perhaps where my stubborness comes from).  They are in Florida, which was a good idea whne they were 60, but as they age, the distance is more of an issue.

I, generally, am not a worrier, and this post is more to vent than anything.  I am no different from anybody with older parents.  Eventually, as the children, we have to become the grown-ups and deal with parents as they age, and eventually pass away.  I assume (probably shouldn't) that it won't be for a long time, but as i learned all to well with my sister, people die and there is no way to know when or how it will happen.

I hope everybody has a great day!

Be Easy

-cp

2012

Its been a while.  As I wrote almost two months ago, finding time is difficult.  Like everybody, though, I have made "resolutions".  I have not really figured out what good they are, why wait until 12/31 - 1/1 to make changes in your life.  If you have changes to make, make them.

I have read a lot of facebook posts and articles on what to do and how to act now that it is a new year.  Why can't we be that way all of the time?  why can't we be positive all the time?  I have no idea what it is about the new year that makes people begin considering making changes in their life.  The real question is how long are those changes going to last?  how long will you eat healthy?  how long will you work out?  how long will you get to work on time?  How long will you be nicer to your spouse?  how long will you be the person you want to be, as opposed to the person you are?

The real question is why are you the way you are?  Is it really so bad?  Of course, everybody can get better and improve.  Have you ever asked yourself (I am not sure that i have until now), why am I impatient, why am i short with people, why can I be difficult?  Why did I eat that Swiss Cake Roll (that's easy, I love them).

Either way, i have tried to be a good person and I will keep trying.  I don't know that i have resolutions only because there are things that I am constantly working on.  One of them includes exercise (like most people).

In what may have been a weak moment, I have signed up for a half marathon.  My wife and I are running the half marathon in Champagn, IL at the end of April (I am referring to this day as the day that my wife becomes independently wealthy).  We'll see, but I am rather competitive AND VERY STUBBORN.  I'll finish the fucking thing, I have no doubt about that (though it will make these sixteen weeks very difficult)

I have decided i have two goals related to the half marathon  1.  finish  2.  don't finish last.  I have been  joking that I will knock over a 90 year old if it means that I don't finish last.  I am quite serious about that :)

I look forward to it.  My wife will beat me by about 1 hour, but I figure by then she'll feel good enough to carry me home (or roll me in a wheel barrow).  Will be interesting and fun.

I will keep you updated on my progress.

I suppose, after my introduction, I should not suggest that I will write more frequently, but what the hell, I am going to say it.  I plan on writing more frequently.  This is for me.  It keeps me honest and I like writing.  I did not finish my novel in November (primarily because of work -- I had to unexpectedly travel), but I am going to finish the novel I started.

A lot to do and so little time to get it done.   And as i teach my children there are only 2 rules that matter:

1.  Have Fun
2.  Be Kind

Have a great day.

-CP